As it goes

I am currently hanging out in my actual Horrorland. Things could be worse...I'm exaggerating a little...but I am choosing to be irritated by this list of woes.

1. I ran out of toothpaste and am having to use kids Colgate with Spongebob on the package...ick x 10
2. The mosquitoes (those bitches) are STILL feasting on my oh so sweet blood...it's no wonder I'm anemic
3. My bottom lip is still swollen...not too bad, but bad enough to be bothersome and hinder my speech

That is all I guess. Ya'll know me though, I'll find something to bitch about soon.

On a kid-note: This morning as I was getting ready for school, I heard the kitties go out to the backyard. As they came running into the room to brush their teeth, I noticed that the princess' hair was wet. I thought nothing of it...she sometimes wets it down or puts massive amounts of product to spike her hair. A few minutes later I saw her again and really noticed how wet it was. I asked her if she'd wet it down. The genius, of course, is quick to tell me that "she got it wet in the sprinklers! I told her not to!" I then noticed her shirt...sprinkled with water all over her shoulders. She stood there with a sheepish look on her little face as I asked what would posses her to do such a thing. She shrugged her shoulders.

Sometimes I wonder about my kids. They're funny. Obnoxious. Weird. Tall. Silly. Irritating. Cute. And maybe just a little crazy. I often find myself wondering what I got myself into.

Today was the last day of school. The genius will be in the 5th grade this fall. It still weirds me out to know I have such an old kid. And speaking of old kids...the princess will be in the first grade. FIRST GRADE. I no longer have any babies. I have two kids that will be in school all day very soon...too soon...and who will be taller than me, at least the genius, within the next year. Surreal isn't the correct term, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Eaten alive

I am officially a feeding ground for mosquitos. They. Are. Eating. Me. Alive. I may not have any blood left. I believe I am AB positive. Get those blood transfusions ready. Im just saying.

A smile is worth a thousand words

I've been holding the ex's laptop hostage the past few nights. And since I've been all alone at the wife's while I'm housesitting, I've had not much else to do other than cruise the net. Since I've been working (read: procrastinating) on my book, aptly titled "Adventures in Whoreland",I thought I'd cruise the infamous Craigslist to get other people's experiences, good or bad, with the whole net dating thing. Namely, men's experiences. All the research I have so far is female related, so I thought I'd gain a different perspective.

I started by posting an ad asking for anyone's tales in the sometimes unforgiving, sometimes scary world of online dating. Some of the responses I got. Man, some men are so desperate, it seems. Right off the bat, I got a always welcome (read: funny) cock picture. I simply replied, "Thanks for the cock picture, but I am in fact, actually just looking for stories. I have a boyfriend, thank you." That was just the beginning of it. Along with the ad, I posted a picture. Just me smiling. Just my face. Just to show that I am not some weirdo just looking for sex. Apparently that picture said more than that.

It's been interesting. Fun. Something to do while I sit here today, absent from school. But alas, I have to give the laptop back so now I'll have to sit here and watch t.v. instead of having random people entertain me.

The research is going on swimmingly though. I have a lot of very interesting, very funny stories and I can't wait to start compiling them. Now it's time for me to switch to mom-mode and go pick up the kiddos. Leading a double life sure is exhausting.

Right now...

My lip is swollen...I guess that's what I get for sticking a needle through it
I'm starting to get a migraine...I may have a brain tumor
I'm sleepy, but can't sleep
I'm bored and lonely, but don't want to hang out with anyone
My lips are really dry because my bottom lip is so fat I can't close them all the way
My right eye hurts
Am full of nothing but complaints right now
What else can I say, other than I'm a pathological complainer. Lather, rinse, repeat.

My life as a walking contradiction

I am in love with the weather right now. As I sit outside in my underwear typing away, I can't help but think about my cabin fever. The weather right now is reminding me of the beach. As most of you know, I absolutely love love love the ocean. Not man-made bodies of water. Not dirty lakes littered with half naked underage girls trying to get on the next installment of Girls Gone Wild. I mean the Pacific Ocean, to be exact. Sitting on the beach, for me, is next to gawdliness.

I get bored easily. I get restless. I like to get away from it all, if just for a tiny while. Right now is one of those times. In this big city, where I can't even see the stars, where everyone is moving fast, no time to stop and smell the roses, where there's time limits, expiration dates, it's hard to find any kind of clarity. Yes, I know, if I really want it, I'll find it. But that's not really how I work. And I know that going somewhere else, running away if you will, doesn't get rid of your problems or make them better...but for me...for me its about gaining the ability to see the answers as the clouds are lifted. Some of you get it, some of you don't. Just like me...some of you get me, some of you don't.

It often amazes me when someone gets me. Though I myself do not think I'm all that complex, many find it hard to understand me or where I'm coming from. Oddly enough, I've run into that a lot lately. I admit, sometimes I'm a walking contradiction. But I'm just a woman. A woman trying to find peace of mind...trying to avoid conflict, though let me tell you, conflict does NOT want to avoid me...trying to educate my kids on how not to be complete assholes...basically just trying to get through life as best as I can for myself and my kids to be happy. Though at certain times of my life that may seem impossible. But as they say, nothing's impossible, only...oh, I can't think of the word here...help me out here.

With all that being said, I should probably be going to bed. I have school in the morning, even if I haven't been wanting to go lately, and I need to actually be there. After all, the new Vice President of student council cannot shirk her duties as the President's "bitch". Yes, that's right, I got voted into the vice presidency. What were they thinking?

I'm getting eaten alive out here by mosquitoes, but of course, outside is the only place I can get the net...go figure. Oh, and more new...I got my lip pierced. I'm not that big a fan of facial piercings for myself, and yes, I know I have my septum pierced, but I can tuck it away if needed. The lip ring is not something you can just hide, especially since it takes about 6 weeks to heal. But, it was something new to do. Besides, the kids think its cool. Then again, they think everything I do is cool...oh, except for walking them to their classes now. The genius likes to get dropped off and doesn't want me holding his hand anymore either. It's a sad day when your kid is too old for that. The princess still lets me do it, but only after I asked her why she was embarassed of me, to which she replied, with a heavy sigh, that she wasn't and that I could walk her to class still...but I'm pretty sure it was only out of guilt. Guilt that she'd made mommy feel bad. ::sigh:: I never thought they would get too old for me or too embarassed of me. I know I don't look like the other moms and some might think that's why they would be embarassed of me, but that is not the case. Me looking like this is all they've known. Tattoos, colored hair, piercings and all. Alas, I guess there comes a time in every kids life when they grow to a certain kind of independance that keeps their mother from holding their hands...walking them to class...I don't think I was ready for this quite yet. They're still so young. Hell, I'M still so young. That's life I guess. Resulting from the path in the fork in the road I chose to take. And to think, I still have AT LEAST 12 more years of this to go through. I. Can't. Even. Wait.

That is if...and it's a big IF...I don't have any more kids. The truth is though, that I've been going through a patch of "baby fever". For those of you who know me, and know me well, you know I DO NOT get baby fever. And yet, here I am, reaching to hold any baby within my grasp. Scary, I know. However, as rash and impulsive as I may be at times, this is not to say that I want one now. I refuse to have a baby out or wedlock. Ironic, I know, being that I got knocked up in high school, but I'm somewhat older and wiser now. This is not to say I want this for my future though, necessarily. As I've said before, I get bored easily...I change my mind at the drop of a hat. Maybe this too will pass. With me sometimes you never know what you're going to get. Bipolar isn't the right infliction, but its the first that comes to mind.

Malice the Wonder Girl

My week has been better. Thank gawd. Yesterday was actually busy for me. As was today. And I'm booked all day tomorrow. It's about damn time. I was about thisclose to taking a leave I'm so bored with school. And yes, I know it'll probably be shitty at the beginning of next week again, but I'm hoping that with summer coming it'll pick up a little more before everyone goes on vacation.

Speaking of which, I've been possessed by the green monster. I'm completely envious of the wife and her impending vacation in Prague. She leaves in 5 days. And that sucks...well, for me. Now who's gonna buy me beers? At least I get to house sit for her so that means 13 days of peace and quiet from the madre. Gawd knows I need it.

So I finally talked to the bf and things are better. Though I have to remember not to drink that much ever again. Not only for my own sanity (i hate not remembering), but for the sanity of everyone I love. Especially Ambular who ended up having to take care of my ass. But enough about that. I'm trying to forget.

For those of you who know me well, ya'll know I HATE commercials. Especially those commercials wherein the sponsor is trying to sway you to one side or the other. For instance; the anti-smoking commercials. Granted, smoking is a bad habit, I know because I smoke a pack every two days and I do not want my kids to smoke, but let people make their own choices. Those ads make me want to smoke more out of pure rebellion. Cigarette companies aren't allowed to put out ads promoting their merchandise for fear that susceptible young minds will want to start smoking based purely on the commercial. I call bullshit. I know kids are stupid, I was once, but society should give them the benefit of the doubt...at least a little.

Another one that bugs me is the anti-abortion ads. O.k., I don't necessarily think that abortion is a good thing, but hey, to each their own. Who am i to tell someone not to do it. And for that reason mostly, I wish their were pro-abortion commercials out there in t.v.-land. "Abortion:it's the right thing to do when your life is turning to shit". But no, only one side of religiously-fanatic right-wing corporate America is allowed to express their "opinions" openly anywhere they please. That is what really grinds my gears.

Thank you for listening. And I'm out *clap*

My life in a shitshell

This week has been pretty retarded for me. And it's only Wednesday. I pretty much want to just crawl into bed and not come out until it's over.

Let's start with me getting so completely wasted on Sunday, I blacked out. At which point I yelled at the boyfriend about his c-bag roommate/ex-girlfriend (while blacked out), yes, he was officially my boyfriend for like two days, and I harked a lot. A LOT. Damn jaeger. Now the boyfriend won't talk to me. Why is it, I keep asking myself, that I keep dating cowards that don't know how to communicate? Seriously, it's like I have a radar for these people. I'm almost tempted to scrap the boyfriend (that is if he hasn't already scrapped me) and go back to 'no-fuss, no-muss'. That seems to work out for me better. No messy feelings, no broken hearts. We'll see though. I'm sometimes rash and impulsive and I change my mind at the drop of a hat. To top off my fabulous week, I just got rear-ended. On the way to the wife's with the kiddos, some dumb bitch decided that she wanted to drive even though the light was red and there were about 5 cars in front of her. Being that my drivers' license is currently suspended and I'm not supposed to be driving, I just drove away. Even though it was not my fault I wouldn't be able to do anything with the insurance information. Add that to my uterus falling out and you've got a not-so-happy Mal. But, that's nothing a little beer and time with the brother can't take care of.

A good thing about me being in reclusivity this week is that I started a 2nd draft of the first chapter of my book...an even better one than my first draft. So I'm pretty happy about that. Suffering really does bring out an artists' best work. Ya, I know I'm not REALLY suffering and there are worst things that could be going on right now, but ya'll know I like to be happy and hate conflict.

::sigh:: I guess things can only get better from here. I have about 22 1/2 weeks left of school. Let the countdown begin. I just have to get my shit together and not get terminated. After all, I don't want to be in school any longer than I have to.

Que sera, sera. Well, this is officially the worst blog I've ever written, but considering my shaken state from the accident, I could've done worse. Oh, and side note, my three middle toes are a little red and swollen. That'll teach me to drive barefoot. Pshaw, who am I kidding, I'm still gonna drive barefoot.

Come on

Here's the thing. If you go get your hair done, tip your stylist. Whether you're at a school or not, that person is spending at least an hour of their time with you to make you feel and look better. I had two client's today, one color and one cut. And...nothing. The thing is, that they both LOVED their hair when I was done with them. But still...nothing. That's my gas money. That's my lunch money. It's not that hard. $5 even, for my time, patience and hard work. It shows gratitude. Not only that, but it IS a service. Grrrrr. It really grinds my gears to work my ass off to make someone look better and to get nothing in return. It's just what you do. You tip for services rendered. Thank you. That is all.