Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The ocean was blue as balls

It's Wednesday afternoon. I've had 4-5 beers, it's hard to tell. And I'm kinda drunk. Who knew being a stay at home mom could be so much fun!

Conversations of drunk bitches:
"Look at his balls and tell me what you think they look like."

"No, I don't want to look at his balls! That's gross! Why do you always make me look at his balls?!"

"Just look at them and tell me what food they look like. And if you don't see it, when I tell you, you'll totally get it!"

"Ugh, ok, let me see his balls!"

*Pause for dramatic effect*

"I don't see it. Just tell me what food his balls look like."

"They totally look like a kiwi!"

"Oh my gawd! They totally do!"

By the way, we're talking about Charlie Mops' the dogs balls...not an actual human, in case you were wondering. Wow, the shit you talk about when inebriated.

Monday, August 28, 2006

One of those photo things.

Here are some pictures taken recently. The bro-in-law says my blogs are boring, ONLY because I don't usually do much with pictures. So here you go.

Here is a clear pic of my ::tear:: car after the accident.
The car.

Here it is from the inside. Ouchie.
The car part two.

The princess...of cheese!
Princess of cheese

The irexican. 10 points if you know what I'm talking about!
Lil' irexican

We put on a pretty bitchin' awards show!
The hostess' with the mostess

Ya, that's right! Shut up and rock!
More AxZxRxDx awards!

This is seriously the biggest pizza...EVER!
and i wanted the extra large!

My weasel...looking into the light.
Oh boys!

My weasel in the black...he's hot! Oh, and the other one...he's just gay.
Nasty Ron and Vegas


Oh, and last but not least, my celebrity lookalikes. I stole this from my sister. It's pretty funny that I got some guys in there. Damn. But my number one look-a-like is Gisele Bundchen?! bahahahahaha That is pretty much the funniest thing I've ever heard. Enjoy.

Oh what a night

So I succesfully hosted AxZxRxDx's 3rd annual Fatal Femmes Awards on saturday night. And I have the corset bruises to show it. Damn corsets. But it was fun. Everyone had a good time, which was the main point of it all. So I'm pretty happy with myself about that. I don't have any pics yet, but the second I get them, ya'll will be the first to see them. I realized today that I didn't sit down the entire night. Part of the reason being that the corset pretty much restricted any sort of sitting movement...but also part running around in full hostess mode. Running up on stage to announce the next band...running around to chat up everyone and make sure they were having a good time...running up on stage to announce the awards. Whew, I'm getting tired again just thinking about it.

On another note, when I took the princess to school today, we happened to arrive at the same time as her "best friend" Lily. I politely said hello to her and her mom, who, when she looked up at me, was pretty taken aback that I could be the princess' mom. The princess being California tan, light brown hair, big green eyes, tall, thin, cute as a button. Me being short, fat, tattooed, blue black hair, pierced. Ya, it's pretty safe to say that I get plenty of stares at that school. Not only am I pretty much one of the youngest moms there, I also look the way I do. But seeing Lily's moms reaction was funny. It'll be interesting to see how she reacts on a day when the princess wants Lilly over for a play date and her mom sees how "normal" my house is. It's just all a big laugh. I have to laugh about it otherwise I'd probably be even more bitchy than I am.

Speaking of bitchy, I picked up the princess' dog brownie from her grandpa's place, cause, well, he doesn't like the pooch and doesn't take very good care of him and since the ex moved to an apartment he can't have the dog at yet, I thought I'd watch him for a while. Why not. So I bring him home and pretty much the first thing he does is piss. In my room. Most of which got on the bedskirt. Seriously, I think I'm cursed when it comes to animals. They could be completely house broken, but bring them over to my place and they'll piss all over the place. It's real fun. After I took brownie home and watched him chase the little schitzu bitches around and scare them, I came to the sisters' place to blog and basically just use her for her stuff. And not even 15 minutes after I get here, she gets a flat tire. So I had to help her jack the van and get the tire off. Needless to say I hurt myself quite a few times. You know me, clumsy as an ox.

Well, that's pretty much it for me for now. It feels weird to blahg again, being that I haven't done it in forever. Oh, one more thing. I got a job. At Michael's! That is only my favorite store ever and I go there, when I have money, at least a few times a week. So we'll see how that goes. And they'll work around my schedule when I start school, November 7, so that'll be good. It will be hard however to get used to working again and not being a stay at home mom. Eh, shouldn't be a problem, it was nice while it lasted though.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Fuckin pointer finger

I seriously just wrote a long ass blahg about my upcoming trip...missing my weasel...laundry...fuckin mailmen...poison letters...first days of school...crying...and a bunch of other stuff...and I. JUST. HIT. THE. CANCEL. BUTTON. What the fuck. I hadn't even copied it like I norally do to post on blogger. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I'm tired. And probably grumpy. It's hard to tell.

Here are 2 pictures I posted...you'll have to pretend that I just wrote about them.

First day of kindergarten! ::tear::

First day of 4th grade!

Alzheimer's isn't the right affliction, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

The awesomeness of it all...or lack there of

So for once, I don't actually have anything to really talk about. Which is surprising considering the fact that I haven't blahgged in like, a week or so...hmmmm.

Well, one update. The genius got glasses. He didn't want them at first because he said he didn't want to be a nerd. Even though his cool as shit mom wears them. But the second he put them on he was excited at being able to actually see. Even though he'd been profusely refusing the fact that he had a seeing problem at all. The glasses he picked out are, in my humble opinion, not as cool as the ones I wanted him to get, but eh, I guess he's actually at that age where my influence isn't really worth anything. Damn they grow up fast.

Speaking of growing up fast. The princess starts school Monday. Yup. And she's terrified, as she so succintly exclaimed in her new classroom when we were there for open house. She's worried that the boys are going to chase her and want to be her boyfriends. My, she's got an ego on her. Wonder where she gets it from? And I think her having a boyfriend would cause problems since she already has a boyfriend, she told me this week, that she shares with the twins at the babysitters.

The twins. They are probably the skeaziest little girls she knows. Seriously. The dances she shows me on an almost daily basis that the twins taught her make Britney Spears look like Marie Osmond. I make her promise to never do those dances again...at least until I tell her to show someone so that we can laugh. I know, best mom of the year, right?

But I digress. She's starting school soon, and I already know the waterworks are going to be flowing. Shit, I cry when I take the genius for the first day of school and he's going to be in the 4th grade. I have a feeling I'll cry when I take them to the first day of senior year! See also: cry baby. See also: waterfall.