Life...or something like it

Today I spent the majority of it in a car. I hate driving. When we finally got home, I metioned my fiery passion hatred for driving and my mom responded with a typical mom-answer, "And you were in such a hurry to drive when you were younger! haha"

Or, how about I wasn't really. I refused to drive and get my license and only did so on account of being threatened to have to quit my job at Pizza Hut if I didn't stop acting like a baby and just get my "fucking license."

So I did, and now. Now I'm spending days driving all over the valley. But tomorrow...tomorrow will be better. She goes back to work. Ah. How do you spell relief? W-o-r-k. For her at least.

And speaking of which, today was a weird, rantalicious driving day. This morning on my way back home from picking up the kiddos from their dad's, I was heading North on Price Rd., when I noticed something very strange. On the two lane, one-way road, I was in the right lane, and in the left lane, heading the complete opposite direction, was an old lady. Nonchalantly driving the wrong way. (how many more times can I say "way"?) I didn't really know what to do. So I just kept on going. Watching, of course, in my rear view to see what would happen. Weird.

Then, going home, finally, there was this bitch just sitting in the lane that I needed to turn into to get home. There's construction going on and lanes are blocked off, so you can only turn right out of it, and there's one lane blocked so you can go down into my neighborhood (I know I'm not describing this very good, but bear with me). If you're headed South, there are TWO signs that say no left turns. So I was headed East and had to turn left to go North, into the only lane open for such a thing, and there she was, just sitting there, waiting to turn left. When clearly, previously said TWO signs indicated that there was no left turns. So I had to sit and wait for a whole other light cycle to turn. Stupid people shouldn't be allowed to drive.

Well, now that I've surely confused everyone with my cornucopia of words, I should probably go home now. It's time to pick up the Queen's vicodin...maybe then she'll pass out and I'll have the night to spend with my weasel in peace and quiet. Oh, and I'm going to change my name...but shhh, nobody tell her. So when she calls out "MAL!!" every 15 minutes, I won't answer cause that won't be my name anymore. Ya. Sounds good. Mental retardation isn't the right sickness, but it's the first that comes to mind.

I know, I know, I'm a commodity

I've gone through my blahging withdrawals quite well. At least the shaking has stopped. So I thought I'd drop by for a quick hello...you know, for just a small fix. It should tide me over for at least a couple of days.

Just a qiuck update, my daddy came into town this weekend and I got to see him and my stepmom for a little bit this morning. It was nice. And he still looks exactly the same...just a little older. But now they're back on their way to El Paso, my home town.

My mom's doing better. Hobbling around with her walker, right foot laden with a purple cast. Since she can't drive though, guess who gets to be her chauffer. Me. It's not too bad though, as much as I bitch about it. The thing that does suck though is sitting in waiting rooms for hours at a time. That's mos def no fun. But we'll get through it. Just another hurdle to jump over.

Hmmmm, what else. I know I'm missing some stuff, but it's really stuff that needs to blahgged about all alone. You know me, I can go on and on and on and on and...well, you get the picture.

So off I go to do...whatever it is I do now. Ahh, this fix was a good one. Junkie isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Whoa is really all I can say

My mom's doing better now. She's got a slave...and by slave, I mean me. But really, she's good. She even got in and out of a bath all on her own...without further hurting herself. I went to the tow yard yesterday to pick up my belongings and boy was I surprised at how she even survived the wreck. The entire front is CHARRED. And so smushed up that I didn't even recognize it at first.

The insurance company sent someone out to inspect it today and they have concluded that it is indeed, totalled. Ya, a monkey could have told you that...in fact, I told them that. So now we have to wait for the adjuster to call and let us know what our settlement will be. Good thing we have insurance...bad thing the other guy didn't.

Now I have to search for a new, cheap car. Everyone cross your fingers and hope that I don't end up with a jollopy.

I know I've said this before, but I. NEVER. WANT. TO. DRINK. AGAIN!It was ladies 2 for 1 liquor night at Septembers' last night...ya, me plus that equals a bad idea. I even cried at the bar last night as I was recapping the past couple weeks to some friends I hadn't seen for a while. I was THAT girl. And not to mention this morning as I bolted out of bed and barely made it to the toilet as I vomitted red cranberry vodka and jager bombers. Ick. And again and again and again. Two of the times in which I peed. I swear, I never make it in time to pee first, then vomit. No. I always make it in time to vomit and then pee myself. Ick. I don't even know why I feel the need to share this with the internet. But eh, I think like 5 of you read this, so it's ok.

Extremely hot day, bossy mom and worse hangover EVER made for an interesting day, to say the least.

Tiny man with the hammer pounding in my head, go away!

No longer waiting for the 2nd shoe to drop

A funny thing happened on the way home from work today. At least for my mom. As she was turning east onto Rio Salado from McClintock, some asshole ran the red light and smashed into her. She was driving my car...it spun out of control...the engine caught on fire...the driver jumped out of the car and ran.

So, she's ok. For now, she's in the hospital with a fractured ankle, not to mention pretty bruised and shaken up. And a bit morphined up, since she's in a lot of pain.

Once the car stopped spinning, it stopped, but then the engine caught on fire and she was having trouble getting out of the car. A woman appeared and helped her out to safety. The asshole ran, but some bystanders ran after him, tackled him to the ground and restrained him til the cops got there. He had no license, no insurance and it wasn't even his car.

I was on the phone with an old friend with whom I hadn't spoken with for months. My mom called on the other line and I ignored it figuring she was just calling to tell me she was on her way home or something less important (I'm an asshole...I know this). I got off the phone with my friend and called my weasel beacause he had called me first. While trying to figure out whether I was to stay with him or him with me, my mom rang in on the other line again. I figured I'd answer since it might be important.

"Hellooooooo!!"
*man's voice* "Can I speak with Mal?"
*confused* "This is her."
"This is officer so and so from the Tempe police department."
"OH MY GAWD!! OH MY GAWD!! WHAT HAPPENE??!!"
"She's allright, but your mom's been in an accident. The ambulance is taking her to Scottsdale hospital."

Then just a bunch of blah blah blah because by that time I couldn't hear what he was saying and I was hurrying to get dressed. Needless to say I was pretty freaked.

Currently she's in the hospital and she's doing good, considering. We'll bring her home tomorrow. But not before I go see what's left of my car and gather my shit that was in there, like my skates, etc. The cop said they couldn't even close the doors and the windows are all shattered.

When it rains, it pours. That's for damn sure.

Rip out my uterus and call me Sally

My head pretty much feels like it's going to explode. I think I'm getting a sinus infection. You know, I didn't even have allergies until I moved to hell...I mean Arizona. And now?! I have them...BAD. So right now, I can feel the pressure building up...like my head's going to float right up and then BOOM explode, just like that. I want to die.

As if feeling like I want to decapitate myself wasn't bad enough, I started my period today. So I also would like to rip out my uterus. Please. Who can do this for me?

Pretty much the only thing I like about being a girl is the fact that if I want something, all I have to do is my signature pouty face, and POOF, just like that...don't get me wrong, it doesn't work very often, but it does, on occasion, bring me what I so desire. And the boobs. Well, the boobs help with shit like that as well. Especially when the guy is too busy staring at my rack that he gives me back more change than needed...the list could go on. But that's it. Having the "curse" on a monthly basis sucks as much as Jenny (rubbernecker) who was the school blow job Betty...and that, my friends, is a whole hell of a lot. Ya, I said it, what are you gonna do about it.

So now I'm off to be grumpy while curled in the fetal position, sobbing softly as I watch a Lifetime movie.

Round and round we go

It seems as though we're not going to move...at least not just yet. It's funny because my mom always comments on me being so laid back and how I should worry about things more, but if I wasn't so laid back, especially around her, I'd probably shoot myself. The woman, though a great mom, is insanely spontaneous and has an energy about her that just makes you crazy. Spend ten minutes with her and your heart will beat faster and you'll feel the worst anxiety of your life...especially if she's stressed.

So for now, we're going to stay in the shot up house. At least until she gets another wild hair up her ass and decides we need to move.

Why do I still live with her, you might ask? Because of her, I'm going to be able to attend school and work only part time. So that's why. I'll live I guess. I have my sister to help me as she is our mom's voice of reason. Family...a four letter word?

Shot through the heart

So, this week, my second week of unemployment by the way, has been...crazy. As always, my life is never boring. Wednesday night, as my weasel and I were getting ready to go see Pirates of the Carribean, we heard a POP, some glass shatter and the screams of my mom and grandma. I had thought maybe one of them dropped something, and they're both screamers, so that wasn't surprising. As we walked out of my bedroom, I looked out the door into the living room and saw my grandma on the floor and my mom about to drop...confused, I walked out of my room to see what happened. My mom started screaming for me to call 911...between mumbles of "we got shot at" and "get down! get down!", I grabbed my phone. I was confused, to say the least. My weasel, always the prepared boyscout, had his gun at the ready, in case...well, anything else happened. It seemed as though it were a drive-by or a misdirected shot from the street. We're still not sure at this point. The police came, paramedics, even a ghetto bird. My grandma had been sitting on the armchair RIGHT. IN. FRONT. OF. THE. WINDOW. She had a slight hemotoma or something like that on the back of her head, but other than that, she was ok. No one else was harmed, and thankfully the princess was in my room watching a movie.

Needless to say, it was a pretty interesting night. My mom decided right then and there that we were moving...AGAIN. We've been in this house for about a month and a half. Shit. Fuck. Gawddamnit.

The plan was to move this weekend...but with the help of my sister and my laidbackness, we're going to wait. At least til the end of the month.

Let the search begin.

I've done a lot of crying this week. At first I thought maybe it was because I'm piamessing, but I've realized that lately when I'm stressed, I hold it in. So I feel a little better now. I had Kendra take me out last night and I got drunk. I think it was a little much needed drunkenness. Sometimes a girl just needs to get wasted and drunk dial her boyfriend in the middle of the night when he's sleeping. Hooray for alcohol.

Cheers!!

Disclaimer: Pardon the cheesy randomness of this blahg today. I'm still reeling from the gunshot, crazy mom, hangover madness and my writing is, in my opinion, not to par. But that's just how I roll.

Like funny ha-ha or funny sad?

Wow, it seems as though I've been out of step with the world lately...you know, having not blahged in about a week or so. It's funny how addicted I was (am) to blahging. I mean, after the shakes and constant sweating died down, I was ok. But the tossing and turning with the thoughts that you lovely readers weren't able to read about the daily actions in my inane life certainly kept me up at night. Really.

A lot has happened since last I blahged. Most recently, my grandma, whom is inflicted with the fun disease of alzheimers, has come to live with us. It's sad, but interesting at the same time. Just watching her do stuff and hearing her talk. It's sometimes like funny ha-ha but sometimes funny sad. Well, at least now we can keep a closer eye on her.

I should probably get on with my day...being as I've actually got stuff to do. You would think that being unemployed would allow me some time to just loaf around and sleep all day...but no, not for me. I've been pretty busy every. single. day. No rest for the wicked I guess.