Friday, June 30, 2006

Take this job and shove it

Today is my last day at Catholic Charities...notice my gratuitous use of my company name in my blahgs the last few times I've talked about it? Ya, that's mainly because, what are they gonna do, fire me?! heh I don't think so. But it was nice. My supervisor bought me a cake and a card signed by a bunch of my co-workers...in which it brought back memories of stuff written in my high school yearbooks. Which basically means, my supervisor figured out, that I haven't changed much since then. Just a little older, more sarcastic and with children. Yup, not much has changed though. To my last day here! Salut!

On a more nervous note, I will be making my way to Cave Creek today to meet the parents...otherwise known as the weasel's mom and pop. I know I shouldn't be nervous, especially since it's just his mom and stepdad and not my 20 family members...and that's just the ones that live in Arizona. No, I just have to meet two people. And he assures me that it'll be fine, and I'm sure it will be...but I can't help feeling nervous nonetheless. Nothing a little shot of my good ol' buddy Jack Daniels can't take care of.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Thursday retarded fun time

I usually save this kind of shit for my myspace bulletins, but, well, it seems as though this is a typical blahgger thing...at least from what I've heard but just didn't really know what it was...but my sister did one, so of course I had to do it too...monkey see monkey do. And I guess you're supposed to be tagged to do a meme, and then tag someone when you're done, but the sister, for some reason, didn't deem it necessary to tag anyone...and by anyone, I mean me. And I'm not going to tag anyone since I think maybe only 3 people read my blahg...and two of them are related to me. Ok, so after that unnecessarily long explanation, here's my first meme:

Instructions:

1. Go to Wikipedia
2. In the search box, type your birth month and day (but not year)
3. List three events that happened on your birthday
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death
5. One holiday or observance (if any)

Events:

1968 - The TV sketch comedy Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In debuts on NBC. (one of my faves...I used to watch it with my dad)

1973 - The Supreme Court of the United States delivers its decision in Roe v. Wade striking down state laws restricting abortion during the first six months of pregnancy. (I don't really care if you like this one or not, but in my opinion, a very important event)
1905 - Bloody Sunday in St. Petersburg, beginning of the 1905 revolution.

Births:

1959 - Linda Blair, American actress
1965 - DJ Jazzy Jeff, American rapper and actor (in my opinion, these are two VERY important births)

Death:

1978 - Herbert Sutcliffe, English cricketer (b. 1894) (gotta love cricket)

Holiday:

Catholicism - Feast day of St. Vincent

I think I got jipped on the holiday thing. I mean, Feast day of a saint is not very exciting. At least not in my book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another note, a few of my favorite co-workers gave me a goodbye card along with a westcor mall gift card. Fuck yeah. I loves me some shopping! And I think I'll do just that. Although, I've been thinking about what I want to buy myself, and i've decided that I should buy a little something for the kiddos too. Even though they consume every single nickel and dime I make...but I'm not bitter. We'll see I guess. Though I do need a new bra. Those Victoria's Secrets bras just don't hold the girls' up as well anymore. Darn my mother for giving me such an ample chest. It's not fun...really, it's not. I never understood why some women choose to go so big in implants. They get in the way...clothes don't fit right...not to mention the back pain...oh, and the shoulder pain from the bra straps digging into them. ::sigh:: The grass is always greener I guess.

Now that I've bored you with useless facts and the details of my undergarments, I guess I should be getting back to work. Considering I only have a day left, I guess I can squeeze in at least an hour of ACTUAL work.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I'm so evil you could call me the de-ville

Three days left of work. The countdown has begun! And today, I fenagled my way to get off early...and the rest of the week to only work from 8am-12. I guess my sister was right...the squeaky wheel does get the oil...and by that I mean my incessant complaining about having to be there and such got me what I wanted. Perfect isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Lies, bikes and sore asses

I've had a long and interesting weekend...today, being Monday and the fact that I'm super sleepy and don't want to be here, you could say I have a case of the "Monday's". Today is also the first day of my last week here at Catholic Charities. Yes, that's where I work (for now) and no, I myself am not Catholic. But I digress. Back to my weekend.

It started with Friday and calling in sick...not because I was sick, but because I simply did not want to go to work. Call it lastdayitis. It's a disease, I just can't seem to kick. So I went to hang out with my sister. The genius and I were lonely and bored, since the princess had left us...he with no one to fight with and me with no rage in the cage-esque fights to break up. So we headed out. After helping Nila feng shui up her room, we decided to head out to the Mesa Thrift store...bad idea. I'm walking around, a little out of "sorts" when I turned a corner and there it was...the bitchinest bike I'd ever seen. So I had to have it...one trip to the atm machine later, she was mine...here she is in all her glory...

Big pimpin'

Oh so pretty and oh so big pimpin'. I just need to put some air in her front tire and I'm good to go.

Later that night I found myself in Phoenix. At the weasel bar. Which was pretty bitchin'. At least what I remembered of it...because let's just say that my memory wasn't much help Saturday morning as I woke up with the mother of all hangovers...well, I guess I can't really call it a hangover, being that I was pretty sure I was still drunk when I woke up. Nothing a little booty, sleep and water couldn't fix though.

After I made my way home, I sat on my bed half conscious trying to muster up the energy to get ready for the impending bike run I was to go on with the weasel. The princess came home and we spent some time together. Then it was off to North Phoenix...the run was fun...tiring...but fun nonetheless. There were some tiny setbacks, but nothing too harming. Needless to say, being that it was my first time riding that long on the harley, my ass hurts...and so does my back...I guess I need more practice. *hint, hint*

So to end my weekend, I thought I'd toss the atheistic nonsense and begin my quest to find God...oh wait, I just totally lied to you. I'm not tossing my atheistic nonsense...but I did go to church. And surprisingly enough, I didn't burst into flames as often thought. It's funny how the last time I went to church was two years ago for my little sisters' quincenera two years ago, but I never lose that obligatory church etiquette. For instance, the sacrament. I always take it...even though, considering I haven't been to confession since I was 14 and refused to even go to church anymore and I don't believe in God, it's still ingrained in my mind...you go to mass, you take the sacrament. It was weird. Not to mention the fact that I had to meet my mom et al there, but the place was so packed when I got there I couldn't find anyone, so I had to sit at the back all by my lonesome. And when it came time for the song that you stand and hold hands with your neighbor, all I could think was where those old men's hands' had been. It took all I could to keep from rushing off to wash my hands! *shiver* Germs germs go away, never come back another day.

So that was my weekend. And now I'm tired, sore and probably have a first class ticket to hell for taking the sacrament. Old habits die hard, that's for sure.

Disclaimer: being that I don't believe in all that jazz, I also do not believe in hell, but it's a lot more fun to say I'm going to hell. Not to mention the fact that it really freaks my mom out when I say that. What can I say, I like to have fun.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

She's flown the coup

The princess left me yesterday. On what is her first trip alone...and by alone, I mean no parents and/or genius. She went with my moms and aunt to my uncle's funeral in California. All by herself! She was so excited. Here's her saying goodbye to me before they left. ::tear::

Naia leaves me

***********

The genius has decided and told me, that when he's old enough he's going to get a tattoo like his dad's. And in the same spot. It's a shamrock with flames and a banner that says his last name on it...he started asking me all these questions on whether tattoos hurt, which I thought was weird because as much as he likes putting on the fake tats, he's the more conservative one of the family and had expressed not wanting to get any. So now he wants one. ::tear:: They just grow up so fast.

Ok, before I start crying about the kiddos getting older and bigger, I'll change the subject. Though to what, I don't know. It's pretty early in the morning and now that I've written five sentences, I'm beat. Time to go back to bed...oh wait, time to actually work...being that I've been here for about an hour and haven't done jack shit. Sloth isn't the right sin, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

A picture is worth a thousand words

So, I started a flickr account...upon the insistance of my lovely sister, so that I could have all my pics in one easily accesible place. But really, she should get paid for all the word of mouth business she gives them...and anything else she likes. But that's Nila for ya, if she's happy with something, she wants everyone to be just as happy with it. Gawd love her.

But I digress. I posted some pics to my flickr account and have set them for public view. This pic right here,

peeing,

has received 41 viewings last time I checked...and I just put together this account about 2 days ago. But it's just this pic that's been viewed so many times! Not the ones of me and Gina in a bathtub...or the ones of me, Gina and Andy in the bathtub...boobs and all...no, the one where it looks like I'm peeing on the beach! Go figure. I guess there are more people out there for laughs than there are pervs. Good thing.

But really, I'm having fun with the whole thing. Nila keeps bringing me deeper and deeper into the whole blahgging world. Beyond myspace. Vortex isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

So the boy walks into his mom's office and says...

"What does alienated mean?"

"It means like, feeling left out, or something..."

"Oh, I thought it meant that you wanted to be an alien."

Oh, the disappointment in his voice. I have one crazy son, that's for damn sure.

Back to normal...whatever that is

So, my aunt's in town...she's helping my mom cope. But other than that, I think things are going to be ok. Oh, and there was another death in our family. My dad's older sister died on Friday...it's weird how that worked. I hope what Nila says about the myth of it "happening in three's" isn't true...I don't think I could handle another death.


I'm tired. Hmmmm, there's pretty much nothing for me to talk about. Well, I'm sure there is, but my tired mind just can't think of anything. ::sigh::

Friday, June 16, 2006

Sadness reigns the land

My uncle died last night. 8:15pm. No more summers. No more little surprises found on the side of the highway. No more cupcake. No more well meaning advice. No more anything. He will be missed. Dearly.

I spent every single summer with him and his family for about 6 or 7 years. Everyday that I was there he made sure that I was going to have something to do. That my cousins were going to be nice to me. That I had enough of my favorite treats to last me through the day. He came home everyday after work with baubles, toys, treats for me that he found on the side of the highway.

I went with my mom to tell my grandma the bad news. She screamed. Threw her arms up in utter despair. Broke down in tears and went limp as I wrapped my arms around her. I never felt such pain.

It's off to California on Sunday. Sadness prevails...even though he no longer feels the pain.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Random thoughts...just try and sort them out...I dare you

Last night after work, I went home, ate and passed the fuck out. I know I slept good, cause when I woke up, my face was covered in drool. I always find that when I'm the most worn out, I have the weirdest dreams. For instance, last night I dreamt that I was at Rollercon, but it wasn't in Vegas and there weren't that many girls there. I don't want to get into too much detail or I'm lible to bore you all, but at one point, a little boy, about 2 years of age, fell into the pool and I jumped in, fully clothed, to save him. Once we were out of the pool, I wrapped him in a towel and was holding him and he kept getting smaller and smaller and ended up looking like just a little baby...as I carried him around, I searched for his parents, but they were no where to be found. I never did find the parents, but I woke up before anything else happened, so who knows. Then, I fell back asleep, and something about me having a huge egg and trying to crack it open...and when I finally did get it open, there was all this white furry stuff and glowy light and a baby inside. Hmmm, wonder what, if anything, that means. Weird.

It brought a tear to my eye yesterday as the princess and I left to go to our new house, she ran to the backyard and stared solemnly at the ground for about five minutes. She was saying goodbye to Thumper, our rabbit who's buried in the backyard of our old place. She was sad to leave him.
Saying goodbye

So now, we're fully in our new house, but it pretty much looks like Sears threw up all over it. I have a LONG next couple of days ahead of me, that's for sure. What with all the organizing of the house...not to mention the art I'm supposed to do for someone AND the invites I have to make for the Fighting Femmes Awards (FFA's), along with the flyers, posters and awards themselves. Whew, do I have a lot of shit to do or what?! Oh, and throw in the geniuses birthday party. I think I'll just do a simple bbq though. I wanted to get one of those bonsai slide things. But man, if that alone doesn't put a hole in your wallet. So it's probably a no go on that...but I still have to plan the thing...next month. Not to mention the other 3 b-days, all in succesion...first we have the genius on the 2nd, then Trav (bro-in-law) on the 3rd, Nila on the 4th and the ex on the 5th. Oh, then later in the month we have my dad, step-mom and e-dawg. July's a fun month for me, can you tell?

Take a deep breath, Mal. Ah, there. Now I've gots to get crackin! After work of course. Meh isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Calgon, take me away!

Every. Part. Of. My. Body. Hurts. I seriously feel like I've done a four hour workout complete with cardio and weights. With no break. Even my armpits hurt. I didn't know that was possible. And I'm pretty dead tired right now. Sitting at work. Starting to doze off. And, yes Nila, I know I can't possibly be as tired as you, but this is my blahg and I'll bitch if I want to. Though I do feel for my hermana since she worked last night and hadn't slept all day. So she wins the "who's more tired" contest. But that doesn't mean I'm not tired...ok, I think I'm starting to not make sense. Let's move on to the next subject.

Today I noticed that one of my posts had a comment from izzymom, a "big-time" blahgger, and this made me happy. Why, you ask, would a comment from a more established blogger make you happy? Truthfully, I don't really know. I used to think Nila was silly for getting excited when this happened, but now I know the feeling. Of course, I commented on one of her posts first, but it's the fact that she took the time to come to my blahg and read a post, then comment on it. Seriously, I believe this makes me a little nerdy. But Nila and I have been sucked into this little world of blahgging...we've even talked about attending the blogger convention next year. In my humble opinion, that would be rad. We'd get to meet the illustrious women of whose lives we've learned so much about...all through the internet. I know, I already told you I was a nerd.

Speaking of being nerdy, Nila told me she thought the weasel is too cool for me. Too cool for ME! Though I am a self proclaimed nerd and do NOT act, as the ex likes to say, like a bad ass. If the occasion calls for it, I will, in fact, shine through, but I am first and formost a nerd, and I am the first to admit it. But, the weasel is NOT too cool for me...it's just that nobody sees him around me when we're alone...it's like nerd city. Sidebar: I'll probably get grounded for posting that part about him being a nerd...maybe even banished to another country where I can't bust him out. Just so you know. So anyway, she thinks I'm goofy and says she never noticed it because the ex was goofier than me...real nice thing to say to your sister...I'm always saying what a MILF she is, and I get GOOFY! pshaw

I have about an hour and a half left of work...only to go home to put together a bunkbed and possibly have to move more stuff. Man, it never ends.

Just as an update on my uncle, he has been transported back to California. Back to his house, his garden, his life. Though it's hard to say how much longer that will be. Getting weaker by the day, I suspect there's not much time left. I was sad to see him go, but relieved at the same time. I know his kids missed him being home. And my mom and sis can take pride in the fact that we did make him feel as comfortable as possible and I think we made him pretty happy. Still, I was sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. They left early this morning as I was driving the kids to school, before it got too hot out, so I understand. But that may have been the last time I would get to see him.

It's probably time for me to not talk about that anymore...I can feel the tears burning to get out. I haven't cried much. I have to be strong for my mom. As much as it pains me to see her so sad and hurt, if I cry, she'll cry more, and I don't want that. But I pretty much feel like I'm going to explode any minute and flood the entire state of Arizona. Wouldn't that be something.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Oh those clumsy feet...they've struck again

You know, there are times when I think that there is no possible way that I can out-clumsy myself...but oh was I WRONG! This morning, after loading yet more shit in my car (sidebar:we have to be out of the old house by tomorrow, but that's an entirely different blog) the mom and I decided we'd take a little break with Nila at our favorite place, the Mesa Thrift Store. As I'm perusing the sporting goods section, I notice it...in the back buried behind 6 or 7 other bikes...a beach cruiser! I've been wanting one for I don't even remember how long. Not only did I find it, it was only $4.98! FOUR FUCKIN' DOLLARS and NINETY EIGHT CENTS! (sidebar 2: i realize there was no need for the excessive caps and use of the 'F' word, but I was THAT excited)So, I went to go put the rest of my stuff back since I only had about 5 bucks to spend and I HAD to have the bike...and as I stepped through the aisle, obviously starry eyed staring at my soon to be new bike, I tripped over another bike parked annoyingly in my way, and ate shit...hardcore. Landing on all fours, I made quite the ruckus, what with the grill clanging and the bike tumbling and me screaming. I landed, hard, on my knees on the tiled floor. I actually hit the floor so hard that it kind of knocked tears involuntarily out of my eyes...usually if I'm on all fours I'm wearing knee pads (get your minds out of the gutters dirty birdies) so the shock isn't that bad, but this was. So I jumped up as Nila came running, "What'd you do this time Mal?!" Ye of little faith Nila...biotch. BUT I am that clumsy, so I guess she's right in the query. "Oh nothing. I just tripped and fell. No big deal!" I proclaim as I brush myself off trying to keep from whining too much. People are looking, my face was probably red...then the princess knocks the lid off the grill and causes a tad bit more commotion. It was an exciting 5 minutes to say the least. Oh, by the grace of Mal.

Speaking of embarassing myself. At the start of a new relationshop, there are alwys things you DON'T do in front of or around each other. For instance, you don't poo in each other's bathrooms, you watch how and what you eat (mostly girls) and you don't fart. Fortunately, I wasn't the one that farted first. He was. But I kept holding it in. Then comes Friday. Watching movies. I started laughing so hard, it happened. But he didn't hear it. The genius happened to be sitting right by my ass...and made a face and started laughing. Darn kids, always busting me out. So ya, I've had an embarassing week.

I have discovered today that the little princess is a rocker chick, through and through. She refused to listen to Bob Marley's No woman, no cry...and didn't even want anything to do with NIN's Only me...she insisted on turning the radio to channel 4, which is 98 KUPD, and exclaimed, "Oh yeah!!" and pumped her fist in the air when a hard rock song came on...I don't even think I knew the artist and/or song. But she was pretty stoked on it, so that's what we listened to. Followed by White Zombie, at which she did a sort of small head bang. That girl...she's a ham. If only she'd been wearing her motorcycle boots and her Harley skirt, she would have been a mini version of...a rocker chick. (sorry, I'm too tired to think of anything clever...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it)

I have decided that I hate the new chick they hired to replace me. She doesn't do anything right...at least not how I would do it. And she doesn't answer the phones right away. It seems dumb to be annoyed by that, but Binks knows what I'm talking about. You're supposed to answer the phone on the first ring unless you're already on another call...but she ALWAYS lets it ring 3 or 4 times before answering. Grrrr. Rage in the Cage isn't the right fight, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Misconceptions are an ex's best friend

Last night I had a long conversation with the ex. And not to go into too much detail, but the gist of it was that I am fake, I only want people to like me and I want to be loved by all and that I am ridiculous (as far as my 'about me' on myspace goes. But all that, while it upset me last night and sent me into a crying tizzy, I'm fine with that opinion of me. I know who I am...ok, maybe not EXACTLY who I am, but for the most part. I believe this thought process on his part to be the fact that I am not of similar moral, political or style standing as him. And that's fine. We don't have to be alike. So I will just blame the whole crying tizzy on the fact that I'd had a rough day, what with having to talk with the cousins about my uncle's comfort and well being in his last days (though we don't know for sure how many days exactly that will be). So I was already upset. Not to mention the fact that my boobs hurt like no other, and we all know what that means...THE CURSE is soon to arrive. THE CURSE that makes me cry at slim jim commercials...or any commercials for that matter. So yes, let's say it wasn't the convo with the ex, but a snowball of emotional baggaged that rolled down the hill.

Now with that said, onto more important, less taxing subjects. Um, *ahem*, this is kind of embarassing...cause with that said, I don't think I really have anything to talk about. I mean, according to the ex, the shit I write here is stupid and not valid...and here I am unable to validate my important thoughts to you, my loyal readers...all three of you. But seriously, if he even saw the amount of people that read my blahgs...at least on myspace cause here on the illustrious blogger, I can't tell how many hits I've gotten...he would be amazed. Because if what I have to say (apparently it's all made up) really is stupid and fake and not valid, then there are a whole fuck load of people that are just retarded for liking it (Disclaimer: I do not think you guys are retarded, that's the impression that I got from the pleasant convo of what he thinks of me and my blahg). The proof is in the cards, my friends.

Today, as I seached craigslist for a part-time job for a little moolah while I go to school, I ran across a position for freelance writers to review and interview bloggers! How bitchin' would that be?! So I HAD to send that post to Nila. I thought her and I would be perfect for us both. I mean, getting paid to not only READ blahgs, but interview the blahggers and write about it. There's only one word for that...RAD.

Well, it's time for me to fly the coup, so to speak. Works almost over (yes, I blahg at work...got a problem with that? heh) and I have to pee and set the coffee timer for tomorrow. And they say the fun never ends.

Friday, June 09, 2006

A rambling about absolutely nothing

"Yes, my mamas, but your language makes my ears turn red. Oh, mija, where did you ever learn such words? It wasn’t me, I’m sure. It had to be your mother." Stated in an e-mail from my dad this morning. I know my dad reads my blog, shit, I sent him the link, but I just can't seem to blah myself down. Because then that wouldn't be me, you know. Nila has to keep hers a bit clean, though she's not as "foul-mouthed" (as she puts it) as I am, but her christian, God fearing mother-in-law reads her blahg everyday. Though that would not deter me from any of my regular use of sailor language. Meh.

Speaking of e-mails: I come into work this morning...turn on my computer...as I'm waiting for outlook to finish loading, I notice an e-mail and the name looks oddly familiar. I can only see part of the name, and I'm wondering if it's from who I think it's from...But no, I think, it couldn't be. I haven't heard from him in years. Even the "I hope you're still alive" e-mails I randomly sent went unanswered. So FINALLY my computer is done loading, and I get the chance to glimpse the mystery e-mail...it IS from him...and all it says is "stupid". That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Of course I HAVE to reply to this. "I think I'm confused right now. Who's stupid?!" That was at about eight or so this morning...and no response as of yet. I'm sure I'll here nothing from him for another 3 years or so. Only time will tell. But I hate hate HATE getting shit like that because then I obssess over the meaning of the mystery e-mail...same goes with phone calls. If I get a call from an unknown number and there is no message left, I dwell on who it could have been for day. There is A LOT that bugs me and will send me into a high strung rant of sorts. Just ask my weasel, I went into one of those tirades last night. And trust me, it doesn't take much to get me started. OCD isn't the right disease, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Currently, this is my To Do List:
1. Plan derby awards party for this season (it's next month and we've done...not a whole lot)
2. Plan the geniuses' birthday party. He'll be 9. NINE! Ack! I can't believe I have a kid that old. AND not to mention the fact that he's going to be in the fourth grade this fall. FOURTH grade. Boy, how fast they grow.
3. Strangle the new chick...or at least smack her upside the head. I think that will suffice.
4. Strangle my boss' boss...love her to death, but she's bugging me right now

Maybe I'm just a tad grumpy right now. I'm tired, even though I didn't stay up late...go figure, I'm more tired now that I get sleep then when I was an insomniac. But it's almost time to go home. And my weasel just told me that he's getting a 1969 caddy with a chopped top and flame throwers on the exhaust...cause ya, we're that cool.

I'm not so sure I'm making much sense here, so I'll stop on that note...you know, the note that says I'm that cool. Home. The weekend. Excitement. Should be interesting to say the least.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

And I thought today was going to be boring

Let's start off with this morning when the electricity went off. And I got to sit in my house with no a/c waiting for those bastards at SRP to come fix it. "Oh, someone will be there between 10:30 and 12:30 and everything should be good!" Ya, no one was there. At least I didn't have to come into work until one. So I come in and I have to sit at the front desk and cover for lunch. By the time it's time to go back to my "office" (p.s. I've been displaced since I'm leaving at the end of the month. I think it's called grounded) to finish the ever illustrious closing and opening of the files.

It's attack of the intern...he's there. I decided that I would just go chat with Shelley for an hour or so...I'm good at avoiding work like that.

Intern still there. I go to lunch. I'm not hungry so I made a trip to target to purchase some much needed shampoo and razors...when I moved, I had packed a box with my bathroom stuff, i.e. razor, shampoo, contacts, and the box has literally disappeared off the face of the earth. Not to be found at the new house, the old house or any of the cars. I think the shampoo started a revolution against their forced capture in a steamy bathroom.

I come back. Intern still there. I kick him out. After all, how does he expect me to surf the net for new blahgs and e-mail the weasel. I can't possibly do that if I don't have my own computer. Work schmork...I'm almost done here and they can kiss my ass. So I'll use my time wisely on the net.

Surfed a little, came up to the front again. Closing...again. Oh so tired. The second I get up here, there's a walk in client who had decided to wait for the counselor at the bar next door. Our lobby apparently wasn't good enough. Isn't it convenient for a mental health facility to be located next door to a bar? Drunk, barefoot and braless, she saunters around the office. Kind of haggard. Drunk. Session's over. Goes back to the bar to finagle some liquor out of some poor bastard. Supposed to be waiting for a team to come take her to a "safe place". She refuses to leave the bar. Someone bought her a beer. Heh.

Next up was a homeless couple. Smelly. I gagged...not very nice, but I cannot be held responsible for the actions of my sensitive sense of smell. We gave them a cupcake. Whew. And all that in about a 30 minute time frame. And I pretty much was able to sidestep doing any work whatsoever until 5 pm. That's my favorite kind of day. All the bigwigs are gone. Time to fuck around on the net...again.

There are times when I think I should not be so decorated, for lack of a better term, because I get a lot of unwanted attention. I know, I know, I'm asking for it right? Wrong. It's like telling me that wearing a short skirt and cleavage revealing shirt is me asking for rape. But I digress. I'm sitting at a stop light on my way back from target when I feel someone staring at me. I thought it might be because I was in the middle of rocking out, singing at the top of my lungs to NIN's head like a hole. And since my evil car still has no a/c, my windows were all down. I look over to my right and there's a lady in the next car looking at me and her lips are moving, but I couldn't hear her at all. I turn the music down. I hear the word color as she's pointing to her head. Oh, she's asking what color the red in my hair is...I refrain from a sarcastic "RED!" and tell her the color, dye brand and store you can get it at...I laughed.

Wow, this is a pretty long blahg, I just noticed, full of nothing but rambling. Ah, what can you do...I am, after all, a self proclaimed Ramble Queen. Among other things. Heh.

What normal people call HELL, I call home

*Note* This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but blogger was down for maintenance or something like that, so here you go...yesterday's news, today.

This whole me not having a working air conditioner in my car is just not working out. I think I'm going to have to break up with it...or give it an ultimatum...either it start making the a/c work on it's own, for free, or I'm out of this nothing-for-me relationship. I went to Wal*Mart on my lunch break. I needed one of those jump drive things...you know, for all the personal shit I do on my work computer...and the heat made me not in the mood to shop. ME. Not in the mood to shop. That doesn't happen very often. In fact, it RARELY happens. But there I was, done with my whitetrash/wetback shopping when I still had a whopping 45 minutes left on my lunch break. Where to go, what to do. I drove around for a few, trying to decide what exactly I could do. I thought about going and bugging Meemo, but she worked last night and was probably sleeping. So I did the next best thing to sisterly bonding...I went to the salon and got my eyebrows and lip done. And damn if my eyes didn't tear up when she ripped the wax strip off my upper lip. "No pain, no gain!" she says. Uh ya, thanks for that nugget of wisdom. But then her saying that reminded me of the other day when I was brushing the Princess' tangled, almost dreadlocked hair and she started to whine..."Beauty is pain Naia. Just remember that." I hate when I'm right. I was just saying that to calm her down. Why did I even succumb to the pain-in-the-ass world of waxing? Oh right, because Meemo paid for it the first time. Now I'm stuck going every two weeks so that I don't look like, well, ungroomed of course.


There I go off on a little rant again. I'll stop while I'm ahead. Or maybe this should just be "Rant Wednesday". And trust me, there is a lot to rant about today. For instance, on my way to Wal*Mart, there was an RV stopped at a stoplight...the light turns green. And does this RV move? No. It just sat there. As I sped past it ready to give the bird, I noticed there was no one in there! Now, here's what I don't understand...why would someone just LEAVE their RV like that? O.K., I understand it could have broken down, but any common sense person would leave the hazards on. Were the hazards left on to warn traffic of it's inability to do anything but sit there? No.


So on to Wal*Mart I go, cursing the RV fucktard. I find what I'm looking for and head to the electronics register...there were two chicks standing there talking to the peeps in the photo department, COMPLETELY IGNORING me. Just standing there...doing nothing. I really just wanted to say, "Hey, chatty Cathy's! Can one of you take the time from your busy gossip fest to ring up my ONE item?! Is that too much work for you? Is it that hard to move your fat asses the two feet to the register?!" but I kept my cool. ::Disclaimer:: I know that I too have a fat ass, but they're asses were way fatter than mine. And this in no way means that I have a discrimination against fat people. That would be like discriminating against Mexicans.


::sigh:: Looks like it's almost that time of month...again. You can tell when I rant about the most inane things. Ah, well praying mantis isn't the right insect, but it's the first that comes to mind. Maybe someone should warn my weasel. Heh.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

AxZxRxDx's June Update-As written by Fred "Sweet Cheeks" Nutz

This isn't a usual post for me, but I figured, "What the hell!" I've been a member of Arizona's ORIGINAL roller derby league for 2 years now. Though I'm currently out on injury due to a possibly torn miniscus, I'll hopefully be skating and kicking ass again for the playoffs, pending a release from my doctor. So why don't I give you just a little background on this revival of a great sport. About two years ago, a couple of friends of mine had mentioned that roller derby was back and that we should check out a bout (game). I'm pretty easy going and up for any sort of adventure, so I thought it was a good idea...but we never followed through and I forgot about it. Then a couple months after that, the girls said we should join, so I said ok, and the next day I e-mailed the co-founder, gathered up all the girls I could and we formed the Bad News Beaters. And let's just say the rest is history. I love it and am dying to skate again. It's so hard to sit on the sidelines, especially when your own team is playing, and watch the other girls zoom around the track. So that's how I got started with roller derby.

June Update





Wooo hoooo! Its summer, yall! Time to enjoy lifes simpler pleasures. For example, I havent worn pants in weeks! Seriously. This update is being written half-naked! Ha HA: I L-U-V the summer!! No freakin pants. No freakin rules. Just me, my lap top, my cool drink with a novelty umbrella, and an uptight waitress that doesnt know the difference between freedom and perversion. Hey, Flo, instead of screaming about callin the cops, how about callin a doctor for an emergency pull-that-stick-out-of-your-ass-yoctomy. Shoooot, its summer, bee-yotch.



Oh well, on to the ladies. AZRD sent its travel team, the Tent City Terrors, to Denver to take on the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls Fight Club. Fight Club was tough, but our jailed birds were tougher, notching a win of 89 to 43. Once the blood and dust settled, Denver had proven they were worthy of their reputation as one of the best up-and-coming leagues in the nation. The general population of Denver, however, fell a bit short, constantly whining and sniveling: Hey thats my wallet! and, Please stop beating my boyfriend! and that was just from some dude who called himself the Snake.



On Saturday, June 10, the undefeated Bruisers will be taking on the Bad News Beaters in the last regular season bout of the year. The Bruisers have already clinched a spot in this years championship bout, but are ready to refine their bad-side manners against the Beaters. Those fabulous baseball furies, for their part, are prepared to knock the naughty nurses out of the park as they look ahead to next months play-off bout against the Surly Gurlies. The doors of the Castle Sports Complex will be opened at 7 and the action will start at 8. The bout will feature live music from TCT favorites, the Maricopa County Prison Band, and as always, reduce priced drinks at our after party at Big Daddys Sports Bar.



On June 23rd, AZRD will be out at Atomic Comics in Mesa to support their Fright Night with Calbrese and Zombeast. The event will feature classic horror flicks, a homemade zombie movie contest, a costume contest, and other horror related activities. Check the events section at www.atomiccomics.com for all the details.



Check back at the beginning of next month to find out how the ladies will be spending the rest of the summer, and for all the details about the 3rd season championship and playoffs. As for me, Ill see if I can manage motivating myself to put some pants on. No promises.





Revised rules:



After the initial delirium of watching scantily-clad-hotties skating to the death subsides, many spectators find themselves uttering the same phrase: So, uhhh, how do these chicks score? After smacking the friend that started giggling in the back of the head, these spectators often look inquisitively at their shrugging compatriots, then all take a deep gulp of their beers and happily return to the game with no knowledge of the rules. Well read on, oh bewildered masses, and we will turn your blissful ignorance into euphoric comprehension!

The game (bout) is divided into three, twenty minute periods. Each period is made-up of several two minute jams. The object of the jam is for a teams jammer to score more points than her opponent in two minutes. The winning team is the one that has scored the most points at the end of the third period.

There are ten players in play during an average jam (five from each team). When the girls line up for a jam, you will notice that there are eight girls standing well ahead of the back two. The eight in the front are called the pack, the two in the back are the jammers and are indicated by a star on their helmets. The jammer is the only member of the team that can score points; the packs job is to prevent the opposing jammers from doing so. The beginning of the jam is indicated by one whistle blast. This starts the pack skating and indicates that the two minute clock has started. This is followed by two whistle blasts that indicate the two jammers may start skating. The jammers have to pass (lap) the pack once before they can score. After lapping the pack once, the jammer scores one point per opponent she passes before the two minute jam has ended (indicated by four whistle blasts). The jammer may only score on an opponent once per pass.

There are some special circumstances that can change this basic structure and make me sound like a total liar. To defend my honor, I will talk about a few of those now.

A) A jammer must have both of her skates in-bounds to score on an opponent. B) On the first pass, the first jammer that makes it through the pack without intentionally stepping off the track or committing a foul is called the lead jammer. The lead has the power to stop the jam at any time before the two minutes has ended. She indicates that she wants to stop the jam early by placing both hands on her hips. If neither jammer passes the pack legally, there is no lead and the jam goes on for the full two minutes. C) The blocker at the front of the pack is called the pivot, and is indicated by a stripe on her helmet. After the first pass, the jammer can hand the cap on her helmet to the pivot, and the pivot becomes the only player on the team who can score (essentially becomes the jammer). Once the star cap is on the pivots helmet, she scores a point for each opponent she passes for the remainder of the jam. If a lead jammer passes the star, the pivot does not get lead status, and must jam for the full two minutes. D) Teams are occasionally forced to skate short for one of three reasons: 1) A skater was not on the track, for whatever reason, when the jam began. 2) A player has been ejected for receiving four minor penalties. Minor penalties include hitting from behind, intentionally stepping off the track, hitting girls with the forearms or elbows, and using straight arms to block. 3) A player has been ejected for receiving a major penalty. Major penalties include fighting, punching in the face, gouging out eyes and swift kicks to the kidneys. Skaters are ejected for one minute, essentially giving the opposing team a power play. When a player is absent for any of these reasons, the opposing jammer continues to score one point for the absent skater each time she passes the pack.

If a skater commits three of the same major penalties (12 minor penalties) over the course of the bout, she is ejected from the game. . .and will most likely be found in the beer garden.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Moving day...more like Hell day!

Seriously, pray for me. Today should be...interesting, to say the least. But you never know what will happen, that's for sure. My life is a sitcom...send over some cameras today, cause gawd knows there'll be some funny shit going on. Absolut craziness isn't the right phrase, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

A list...by Mal Vicious

These are the things that really pissed me off today:

1. The night receptionist called in last minute today, so after having been at work for a half hour, I had to go back home, then come back to close.

2. When I asked to have tomorrow off so that I could move, she said no. What the fuck??!! Did I NOT just do her a favor by leaving and coming back so she wouldn't have to?!

3. This place in general. I can NOT wait to get the fuck out of here. And you better believe that I'm going to pull a Half Baked on their asses and someone is getting a cheeseburger chucked at their head. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you cool...fuck you I'm out!" *chucks burger* (let's see how many times i can say "fuck" in this blog. like a game)

4. The retarded people that call here. And come here. And in general, the ones that just EXIST.

5. The replacement they hired for my position for when I leave. I just want to smack her upside the head sometimes. Is that wrong?

6. One of my wisdom teeth is growing in right now and it hurts like a mother!! OUCHIE!

These are the things that made me happy today:

1. (get ready for the cheese) Talking to my weasel all day.

2. Sisterly bonding with my milf of an older sister...who was stoked that one of her co-workers called her that today. But I call her that all the time, cause she is. (wonder if that scored any extra points with her)

3. My boss' boss told me I looked real good lately, like I've been losing weight (i have, fyi) and that she knows it's from all the sweet love I've been getting. *giggle*

4. When the princess woke up this morning, she looked up at me and first thing out of her mouth was "I love you mommy"...try being pissed when those japanamation green eyes are looking up at you.

5. The princess and the genius sang along and knew the words to Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire.

6. The client that just told me I get the biggest hoops for the day award. And he was just as stoked as me at the fact that I got them at the dollar store. Gotta love a good bargain.

Well my lovelies, I think that's all for now. Unless, of course, more shit pisses me off today, which will probably end up happening. After all, the day isn't over yet! Optimism isn't the right term, but it's the first that comes to mind.

Oh those summer days

I actually got to work on time this morning. Let's celebrate. But then, after I'd been here for about an hour, they sent me home. They didn't like my attitude. Wait, I just lied. The night receptionist couldn't work tonight and we found out this morning...thanks Binks! So I had to leave and come back. Real fun. Since my sister had been ignoring me and not returning my phone calls (she probably thought I wanted money or a babysitter) I decided to stop by for some sisterly bonding. I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that we were laying on her bed, on our tummys laughing and talking like we were teenagers at a slumber party.

So tomorrow is moving day. I'm excited in a way, and dreading it at the same time. I hate moving and had said the last time I moved that I wasn't going to do it again for a long time...that lasted about a year and a half. But this house is bigger and I get not one, but two rooms! And that pretty much rules. We'll see how that goes. Now I just have to convince my supervisor to let me have either the whole day or half the day off tomorrow so that I can get started on the cleaning and such. ::sigh:: So much to do, so little time. Here she comes, Elasticgirl...her power: you can stretch her in 20 different directions and she goes right back to her normal state. A little more ragged than before, but normal none the less. Here to save the day isn't the right catch phrase, but it's the first that comes to mind.